Sign up for my newsletter & get your “10 shine mindset principles” workbook
How often do you hear your inner critic telling you that you are not ready yet, not good enough, not an expert enough?
If I don’t achieve this year’s target, that will be the end of my career.
I am always bad at job interviews.
I will never get funds for the project if this presentation goes wrong.
My dream is to write a book, but I am a terrible writer.
I hear an invalidating story in almost every coaching session – a negative thought or a belief, sometimes played by clients repeatedly.
Most of us are quite familiar with these voices. These little voices act like goblins – the small demons that appear unexpectedly with the power to torture us.
This voice is usually harsh and uses words that you would never say to your friend, although it can come in a subtle repetitive form.
If we don’t look at our invalidating stories closely, they could grow into our habitual ways of thinking that are often entirely inaccurate. But, most importantly, if we don’t recognise and embrace them, we will let invalidating thoughts limit our potential.
The good news is that we have much more power to turn the voices of self-doubt into our allies. Trust me when I say that. I have been on that journey myself, and I have seen many clients I coached making friends with their “goblins”.
The first step to making friends with our goblins is to recognise them.
Start with answering these questions:
1. What are the “goblin stories” that I play over and over again? Write them all down.
2. How do these stories undermine my ability? In what way they hold me back from stepping into my full potential?
3. Is my story true? What is the evidence?
4. Write down further reflections.
– What words or phrases do my “goblins” use?
– What is the tone of their voice? Does the voice remind me of anyone in my past who was critical of me?
– What else am I noticing?
With inner work, you can make new choices to turn goblins into your allies – those with a kind and compassionate voice that encourages you to act. Same as facing your fears, when you meet and deconstruct invalidating stories, you can continue to grow and transform through your experiences.
Interestingly, when we doubt our abilities and choices, another observation about what we tend to do is look around at women we think of as successful and imagine that they never faced any self-doubt. You probably know those people who assertively express their opinion, confidently put themselves forward for a promotion, speak up and lead courageously. But the astonishing truth is that even the world’s experts and most well-established people had and still have those moments of self-doubt. Yet, what they successfully managed to do was catch and befriend their goblins.
When you befriend your goblins and practice self-compassionate talk, you balance out your self-doubt and fears. Over time, you become more joyous, calm, and confident. You get the courage to go after new opportunities and put yourself out there in a meaningful way.
What if you are still convinced that you can’t make friends with your goblins? What if they pop up frequently and continue to attack your highest potential?
Focus on consciously catching the moments when unfriendly goblins attack.
Remember that your goblins thrive on negative thoughts, which are often your outdated beliefs and disempowering ideas sometimes imprinted in your mind when you were so young that you wouldn’t know what’s true or false.
Identify your exact disempowering thought and seek to understand where it comes from. Then, dissociate your identity from your disempowering thought and replace them with an empowering statement (or affirmation).
Practice your affirmations daily and act to bring them to life.
By practising self-compassionate talk, we balance out our self-doubt and fears.
We get the courage to go after new opportunities and put ourselves out there in a meaningful way.
We are all a work in progress.
We have the power to turn negative beliefs into our allies.
The difference between people who courageously change the world for the better and those who feel stuck is that the former built a strategy to recognise, befriend and act through fear.
|cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics||11 months||This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".|
|cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional||11 months||The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".|
|cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary||11 months||This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".|
|cookielawinfo-checkbox-others||11 months||This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.|
|cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance||11 months||This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".|